I'm A Tree

Even though the past two years have been comparable to surviving a thunderstorm in the open sea. I'm grateful to be living in a place somewhere close to nature. I get to go to a beautiful, lush park close to home and have walks that help me clear my own internal storms.

Nature has always been my healer and my advisor throughout the best and the most challenging times.

You may be familiar with my struggles, but if you're not here is the short version: After an injury and an unrelated infection, I suddenly developed debilitating symptoms like bone and joint pain, fatigue, bladder problems and random food allergies, among other things. It's hard to admit, but I started living with chronic pain. Since my symptoms began, I have looked for help to discover what caused this and heal from it. So far, there haven't been any significant changes.

People living with chronic pain will know that it can be hard to keep going when the pain is too much. Sometimes just getting up from bed is a battle.

So, after several days of lying in bed, dark and depressed. This morning, I finally decided to get up and go for a walk again. Between the closed curtains, I saw the magical colours of autumn through my window, and they were calling me. As a November child, I couldn't say no. Dancing in the cold wind and shaking trees outside my window, there's a voice saying: Don't give up on your life yet!

So, why am I a tree?

As I finally was brave enough to walk through the muddy paths in the mini forest, I had the impulse to do something that I love to do:

Hug a big, beautiful tree!

If you have never done it, I highly recommend trying it. It is one of the most peaceful and grounding experiences. As I finished embracing my forest friend and feeling its spirit, I looked up to see it standing tall, reaching up to the sky, magnificent and strong. Steady. The result of years of resilience. As my eyes reached the top, staring at the mix of yellow, orange and green, I had to inhale deeply to take in all the beauty of this moment. But a sudden pang of sadness and nostalgia hit me. These beautiful colours, the leaves on the tree, they will fall soon. The tree will be left naked and alone in the midst of a cold, dark and long winter.

It will never be the same again.

I stood still in my sadness for a moment. Then I felt the voice in the wind. It quietly whispered: But winter will pass, and the tree will survive it.

This too shall pass.

As the thought settled in my mind, I felt a deep peace within myself. Will the pain I feel go away? I'm not sure. But what I do know is that nothing lasts forever. Neither the happiest times nor the most difficult times. The only constant is change. Life is change.

The tree goes through the seasons, each one with its beauty and its different challenges. At some point the tree will live through winter. Yes, in the process, it will lose many of the things that are a part of it for a while. But it will survive and continue to stand tall. And it will be transformed.

After today, I will always try to remind myself of this: Like trees we constantly go through the seasons in our lives. Perhaps it is essential for our growth and resilience that we lose our leaves and face the cold, dark winter. That we be left naked so that, in the end, we can be transformed and have proof that we can make it through any hardship.

This stage of my life is just a season. And it too shall pass.

Maybe I won't ever bea positive thing? Could this be part of my growth in this world?

If you're also experiencing pain or a challenging time in your life: I feel you, and I hug you. After all, I love hugging big, strong, and beautiful trees.